welcome back reader..! or whoever else is out there.. i'm convinced that i'm talking to myself, really.
i kind of forgot a lot of the coding i taught myself but it's not like i learned an extraordinary amount of information so i'm
sure that it'll come back to me eventually...
my mind has been scattered, more or so less than usual.. lets see..

i would like to believe that i have formed new relationships that distract me from the underlying void that is surely to be the end of me..

i notice that i am still juggling in between my courses of action in regards to my wellbeing.. it is truly ridiculous that i have the amount of hyperawareness that i do just to succumb to my
own sabotage to reaffirm that i am capable of experiencing intense emotions. it gets rather boring going on my day to day life half empty.

the cold is revisiting to greet me in the morning and night.
its only when my skin is being bitten by the frost where i truly ache for another's warmth.

is it cruel of me to turn down all the open arms that are gestured to me, in hopes to provide the contact i am looking for?
i almost convince myself that my choices and rejection hold no true effect or weight to those that i decline. they'll brush it off sooner or later.
it's rather pitiful that i hold such visible dismissal to my own value that i can't allow myself to simply grasp that i might actually matter to someone.

how you treat others is a reflection of you, isn't it?